that time i fell in love, part 3

may the 4th be with you. numerous facebook postings declared this clever phrase on may 4, 2014. well, there was some force with me on that day.

i knew i would go to ashley's annual cinco de mayo party. i also knew he'd be there. and that'd the day would be a bit interrupted because of AG's dedication and looking at houses. i chose my outfit that morning with all of these things in mind. the heat, being in church, him. a simple black linen dress and a baby blue sweater. there was no hope for cute hair on a summer spring day and so up in a ponytail it went. flip flops finished off the outfit. i wasn't too impressed with myself but it was what it was. i looked at a house down the street from ashley that day as well as a few others. none of them were "the house," (another post on that with pics soon) but i had some time to kill before i the dedication so i stopped on by ashley's.

i pull up just as he does. i take my time finding a spot to avoid any awkward run in and make my way inside a minute or so after him. i was immediately drawn to him. again. i wanted to talk to him. to flirt with him. he was aloof again, not rude, but didn't indulge me like i wanted. i only stayed for an hour or so and then headed to the dedication up the road. after it was over, i called ashley to see if they needed anything and she said ice. so i stopped and got two big bags and beer. i found a parking spot on the side road across from ashley's house when i got back. it was conveniently just a few yards up from his truck. hmmm, maybe he'd walk me to my car tonight. when i got back to ashley's, i texted him and asked for help with the ice and beer. to my dismay, he didn't respond. not a good sign, but i'd still have a good day, i was determined to do so. i managed to get all of my loot inside and teased him about not answering me. come to find out, the vibrate on his phone was broken and so he didn't see the text.

the rest of the afternoon was fun. stealing glances here and there. playing with the dogs. talking. making a point to sit in an empty seat beside him. darkness fell and it was time to head home. he had said goodbye and walked out before me. i wrangled the dogs and headed towards the front door when remy sprinted out, leash flailing behind her. that dog is a rocket and i took off after her with shelby. i was terrified. ashley's street is busy-ish but the street that her street is off of is a highway. remy has no concept of danger when she is outside. she just wants to run. i chased her up and down ashley's street hoping she'd stay away from the highway and trying to keep her in my line of sight. a nice young man pulled over and helped me chase her. i fell - running in flip flops isn't pretty. finally she was cornered and i grabbed her leash and started walking back towards my car. i have no idea how long this little chase ensued, it felt like forever, but as i was walking back i see him. he said he thought he heard me hollering for the damn dog just as he was getting into his truck and having seen her houdini skills a few times while working at my parents came back to help me catch her. he took her leash from me and walked with me back to my car. i opened the tailgate and got them in and he said goodbye again and started to walk away...

ok, i won't leave you hanging. this is where it gets really good. and that force i was talking about overcame me. i stood at my car door watching him walk away, looking at my door handle, watching him walk away, hoping he'd turn around or come back over. he was getting farther away and finally i managed to squeak out "hey." he stopped. turned. started walking back towards me and i to him. we met about halfway and he looked at me a little confused. i didn't know what to say, i only knew that i didn't want him to walk away like that. i said something about that's not the way to say goodbye and said i wanted a hug. he obliged me and then as we pulled back and looked at each other we kissed. i honestly don't know who went 90 and who went 10 (see Hitch for the reference), maybe it was 50/50. i like to think we were on the same page he was just gun-shy because of what happened after the last cinco de mayo. a few more kisses later and some whispered words about trying again and for real this time, he left. i turned and walked back to my car wondering if that really just happened.

well, four months later (tomorrow) i can tell you, i'm so blessed that it did.

that time i fell in love, part 2

so october rolled around. another football season alone. i was doing better, not great, but knew i still wasn't where i needed to be to even consider being in a relationship. thankfully, said mutual friend (she does have a name, it's ashley) and i got closer. enjoying wine nights with our pups and talking through life as a 30 something single surrounded by a world of marrieds and babies. one saturday she texted me and said she and some others were watching football at her house. she has a pretty sweet set up with a tv under her carport outside of a little barn. it was a beautiful day so i happily told her i'd be there. a few minutes later i got another text from her that he would be there. i was ok with that, but wanted to make sure he was. she was his close friend first and if he didn't want me around then i'd respect that. thankfully, she said he was fine with it (come to find out she didn't tell him until right before i got there, but he handled it well, i think she was still playing matchmaker). so i showed up. dog in tow, beer in hand. it was surprisingly not awkward. we didn't really talk alone, but had pleasant group conversations and i remembered how kind and cute he was and wished that i was great and not just better. but i wasn't and i was not going to be careless with his heart again, if he'd even have me back.

then i saw him again in november. most of you know that he and his brother have their own landscaping business. i decided that my house needed a pick me up so i texted and asked him if he'd come look at it and see what they could do. i didn't expect he and his brother to show up that saturday morning. and i was a little deflated that his brother was with him. shelby and i greeted them outside and she was so excited to see him. he kept the interaction strictly business and i respected that given what had happened in the summer.

his birthday is november 8. that was the weekend of my life changing retreat, but i wanted him to know i remembered, so before i "went dark" (ie no cell phone, computer, etc), i texted him that i was going to be out of pocket on the actual day, but i wanted to wish him a happy birthday. i didn't get his response until after the weekend was over because i turned my phone off.

ashley's parents had an iron bowl party since her two siblings went to auburn and she to alabama. family rivalry big time and such a fun day. i have to admit. i was nervous to see him this time. i had chopped my hair and was still fat, but i'd been on the retreat. i'd found redemption in the sweet, saving arms of Jesus and was a different person. still gun-shy, but redeemed and free from shame and hopelessness. much closer to great than i'd been just a month before, but still not there. he was somewhat aloof (later found out he was super nervous), but not rude. we sat next to each other and chatted a bit and carried on with the group, both of us cheering loudly against alabama. it was as easy and nice as i remembered. i left after the game was over because i had to get shelby from my parents. i didn't hear anything from him.

and then may 4, 2014 happened...